I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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