I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
