i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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