I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
