we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
