you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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