white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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