Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
