i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
