just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
