Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
