well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
