He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
