What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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