Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
