I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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