i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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