Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
