I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
