i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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