so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
