you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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