No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
