i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
