i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
