jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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