Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
