apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
