i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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