sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
