Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
