We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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