Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
