I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
