Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
