my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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