i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
