I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
