"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
