i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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