He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
