I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
