Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
