he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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