so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
