Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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