I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
