Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
