pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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