You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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