I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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